In the 2 years that we have been "actively" trying to have a baby, I personally know 14 other couples that have gone on to have successful pregnancies. They say the odds of miscarriage vary at around 20 percent. Yet I am the only one (that I know of) who has miscarried. I figured since that I have now had 3, I saved all of them. I'm good that way. ;)
One of my best friends had twins. 2 beautiful little boys. After 6 months I finally worked up the courage to meet them. I couldn't do it before. In fact, I avoided her throughout her entire pregnancy. We became pregnant around the same time, she went on to have 2 babies. I got nothing.
Only a few people know about my first miscarriage, even fewer about the 2nd and the 3rd. One of these women has just had a child, the other is due shortly. I can still recall the pity in their voices as they reluctantly told me they were pregnant. Although I felt joy for them, I would not be human if I didn't feel the slightest twinge of jealousy.
I have been wondering if karma plays a role in any of this. Was I a horrible person in a past life? Did I pillage villages? I hope not.
I'm just waiting for the next baby shower invite to arrive in the mail. It shouldn't be long now! Odds are...someone is due.
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