I had my laporoscopy on Friday. I'm home now, recovering and off work for at least a week until my stitches are gone. Surgery wasn't too bad. It's the recovery that sucks. I'm not allowed to do much for the week and I'm going batshit crazy. I thought I would be able to spend a blissful week catching up on some reading, organizing my drawers, baking etc...instead...I have post surgery depression. Yep, that's a thing.
I hope this will all be worth it some day.
Monday, 18 November 2013
Monday, 28 October 2013
Surgery is 2 weeks away
It has been 5 months since my last miscarriage. My husband and I were told not try to have another baby until my surgery. Well....finally, I have a date. November 15th....from now on that date will forever be Christmas/New Years/Valentines day and every other holiday rolled into one.
I have never been so excited to have my insides ripped open!!!
I have never been so excited to have my insides ripped open!!!
Factor Five
Factor Five Leiden...what the hell is that?
My RE called me the other day to give me some news about some blood work I had had done a few weeks previous. He told me that I tested positive for factor five leiden. It is a genetic disorder passed down from one of my parents. I called them both and expected at least one of them to take the blame...but neither did. Of all things to inherit, a genetic mutation!!
Well after numerous "googles" I got to the bottom of factor five leiden...It is a blood clotting issue that can affect pregnancy and can result in your baby becoming stillborn. Great...now even if I manage to get past the dreaded first trimester, I will have stillbirth to worry about.
Some days I am not sure I am cut out for this journey.
My RE called me the other day to give me some news about some blood work I had had done a few weeks previous. He told me that I tested positive for factor five leiden. It is a genetic disorder passed down from one of my parents. I called them both and expected at least one of them to take the blame...but neither did. Of all things to inherit, a genetic mutation!!
Well after numerous "googles" I got to the bottom of factor five leiden...It is a blood clotting issue that can affect pregnancy and can result in your baby becoming stillborn. Great...now even if I manage to get past the dreaded first trimester, I will have stillbirth to worry about.
Some days I am not sure I am cut out for this journey.
Tuesday, 24 September 2013
East Coast Style
I'm from Toronto...big city, fast paced. When I moved to Halifax, it took me almost a year to get used to what I describe as "east coast style". Things move at a slower pace out here. Nobody ever seems to be in a hurry....people will always "let you in" when you are driving. It's simply more relaxed. Perhaps it is this amazing ocean air.
Well...now I hate "east coast style".
I check my mailbox everyday for a letter from the hospital confirming my surgery and all I find are bills!! My doctor said it would be late Sept/early Oct....but when I called, the booking gargoyle told me it might not be until December!!!
I am 39 years of age! Time is ticking....you think I could bribe her? Would a nice bottle of wine get me in a bit sooner??? Or maybe I should stop referring to her as "gargoyle".....karma seems to work against me lately!!!
Well...now I hate "east coast style".
I check my mailbox everyday for a letter from the hospital confirming my surgery and all I find are bills!! My doctor said it would be late Sept/early Oct....but when I called, the booking gargoyle told me it might not be until December!!!
I am 39 years of age! Time is ticking....you think I could bribe her? Would a nice bottle of wine get me in a bit sooner??? Or maybe I should stop referring to her as "gargoyle".....karma seems to work against me lately!!!
Thursday, 22 August 2013
The 2 week wait is difficult.
The 12 week wait (get me through the first trimester without a miscarriage) is even worse.
However, my new waiting game tops them all. I am ready to try again. I am ready to dive back into to baby making after our 3rd miscarriage, but I can't.
Our doctor has recommended surgery. He SUSPECTS I may have endometriosis based on my all of my ultrasounds this far and he wants to open me up, see what's going on and while he's in there, he's going to remove an ovarian cyst. Sounds like fun! My surgery is scheduled for late September/early October.
So now I wait. In limbo. And it sucks. I celebrated a birthday yesterday. 39. In my gut and my heart, this is my final year of trying. It's now or never. Yes, I know that several women have successful pregnancies in their 40's, but I know for me, this is the big year.
It's now or never...I just wish NOW would hurry up and get here.
The 12 week wait (get me through the first trimester without a miscarriage) is even worse.
However, my new waiting game tops them all. I am ready to try again. I am ready to dive back into to baby making after our 3rd miscarriage, but I can't.
Our doctor has recommended surgery. He SUSPECTS I may have endometriosis based on my all of my ultrasounds this far and he wants to open me up, see what's going on and while he's in there, he's going to remove an ovarian cyst. Sounds like fun! My surgery is scheduled for late September/early October.
So now I wait. In limbo. And it sucks. I celebrated a birthday yesterday. 39. In my gut and my heart, this is my final year of trying. It's now or never. Yes, I know that several women have successful pregnancies in their 40's, but I know for me, this is the big year.
It's now or never...I just wish NOW would hurry up and get here.
Monday, 19 August 2013
The odds have not been in my favour
In the 2 years that we have been "actively" trying to have a baby, I personally know 14 other couples that have gone on to have successful pregnancies. They say the odds of miscarriage vary at around 20 percent. Yet I am the only one (that I know of) who has miscarried. I figured since that I have now had 3, I saved all of them. I'm good that way. ;)
One of my best friends had twins. 2 beautiful little boys. After 6 months I finally worked up the courage to meet them. I couldn't do it before. In fact, I avoided her throughout her entire pregnancy. We became pregnant around the same time, she went on to have 2 babies. I got nothing.
Only a few people know about my first miscarriage, even fewer about the 2nd and the 3rd. One of these women has just had a child, the other is due shortly. I can still recall the pity in their voices as they reluctantly told me they were pregnant. Although I felt joy for them, I would not be human if I didn't feel the slightest twinge of jealousy.
I have been wondering if karma plays a role in any of this. Was I a horrible person in a past life? Did I pillage villages? I hope not.
I'm just waiting for the next baby shower invite to arrive in the mail. It shouldn't be long now! Odds are...someone is due.
One of my best friends had twins. 2 beautiful little boys. After 6 months I finally worked up the courage to meet them. I couldn't do it before. In fact, I avoided her throughout her entire pregnancy. We became pregnant around the same time, she went on to have 2 babies. I got nothing.
Only a few people know about my first miscarriage, even fewer about the 2nd and the 3rd. One of these women has just had a child, the other is due shortly. I can still recall the pity in their voices as they reluctantly told me they were pregnant. Although I felt joy for them, I would not be human if I didn't feel the slightest twinge of jealousy.
I have been wondering if karma plays a role in any of this. Was I a horrible person in a past life? Did I pillage villages? I hope not.
I'm just waiting for the next baby shower invite to arrive in the mail. It shouldn't be long now! Odds are...someone is due.
Saturday, 17 August 2013
3rd time unlucky
Is it possible to feel numb about a miscarriage?
After the chemical pregnancy, we miraculously got pregnant again. I have no idea how this happened. Over 2 years of trying unsuccessfully, and then all of a sudden, 3 pregnancies within a year. Maybe once I realized I actually COULD get pregnant, it was game on for those ovaries.
This pregnancy ended at 8 weeks. I was now seeing a reproductive endroconologist because of my age and my history. I really thought this one would stick. Like seriously, no one has 3 miscarriages do they? I now had a great doctor, an RE who specialized in this stuff AND I would get an early ultrasound to calm my worries. I was home free! I even bought a onesie for him....yep, I think this one was a boy.
I threw up for the first time in any of my pregnancies the day of my 8 week ultrasound. I thought this was a good omen. We shuffled off to the hospital with hope and anticipation. I wanted to bring home one of those black and white polaroid looking pictures of my little baby growing inside. I would have posted it on my fridge. Yep, I know that's corny.
Well...you know how it went. Baby stopped growing at 6 weeks. The ultrasound tech said "I'm sorry". My doctor recommend a D and C because of my history. That previous miscarriage didn't go so well. A day later, I was in surgery. I walked out "numb". That's the only way to describe it.
After the chemical pregnancy, we miraculously got pregnant again. I have no idea how this happened. Over 2 years of trying unsuccessfully, and then all of a sudden, 3 pregnancies within a year. Maybe once I realized I actually COULD get pregnant, it was game on for those ovaries.
This pregnancy ended at 8 weeks. I was now seeing a reproductive endroconologist because of my age and my history. I really thought this one would stick. Like seriously, no one has 3 miscarriages do they? I now had a great doctor, an RE who specialized in this stuff AND I would get an early ultrasound to calm my worries. I was home free! I even bought a onesie for him....yep, I think this one was a boy.
I threw up for the first time in any of my pregnancies the day of my 8 week ultrasound. I thought this was a good omen. We shuffled off to the hospital with hope and anticipation. I wanted to bring home one of those black and white polaroid looking pictures of my little baby growing inside. I would have posted it on my fridge. Yep, I know that's corny.
Well...you know how it went. Baby stopped growing at 6 weeks. The ultrasound tech said "I'm sorry". My doctor recommend a D and C because of my history. That previous miscarriage didn't go so well. A day later, I was in surgery. I walked out "numb". That's the only way to describe it.
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